02 12 / 2012

"As moneymaker-shaking is expressly forbidden on all tasteful mini golf courses, I humbly suggest we change mini-golf to finding a dance floor whereupon to shake what our respective mothers have given us."

AND he likes puns and the B-movie horror classic Thankskilling.

29 11 / 2012

I’m baaaack, bitches!

"I will make you food so good, it will feel good from your belly to your VAGINA" - Chef Anthony Creepdain

05 11 / 2012

College-age girl: “You wanna know why dating sucks in this town? Ok, first, the girl-guy ratio is 60-40. That’s the first problem right there. Then, of that 40%,  half are ugly, so no. Then 30% of the rest are frat boys, and completely douchy.”

I’m the author of NotOKF’real, and I approve this message.

12 10 / 2012

Ran into a boy I used to kinda date this morning. First day all week I wasn’t wearing sweatpants. SUCCESS

01 10 / 2012

We’d been dating for about a month when:

"Dammit, black people are always doing something to piss me off."

Yikes. Pass. 

12 7 / 2012

At the end of a date, my date is walking me back to my car. 

"What kind of car do you have?" he asks.

I tell him, adding, “yeah, it’s great, I really like it!”

"Wow! You must have really bought into their advertising!"

No..um…just the fact that the mileage is great and it’s never broken down or needed many repairs. Asshole. 

12 7 / 2012

12 7 / 2012

I don’t often send messages: 

But when I do, they’re as insecure as hell: 

12 7 / 2012

The odds were not ever in his favor.

At the bar at a restaurant: 

Hunger Games: “I came here straight from work. I didn’t even have dinner yet.”

Me: “Well let’s get something to eat then.” (I also hadn’t eaten much because he’d given me the impression beforehand that he wanted to grab food on this date.)

HG: (looks longingly at empty drink) “I don’t know…I’m really enjoying my buzz from my double jack daniels.” 

Me: …

Polite way of saying he wants to head out soon? Apparently not. He stays at the restaurant talking for what feels like another hour, and then he asks if I want to go play some pool at the bar next door with him.  

Halfway through a mediocre game of pool: 

HG: “Man, I’m really bad at pool tonight. I’m not thinking straight since I didn’t have dinner.”

Me: 

12 7 / 2012

Sorry John, I only date guys who ride transit. #TransitThursdayVia someecards

Sorry John, I only date guys who ride transit. #TransitThursday

Via someecards